Sliced, Simmered, and Smothered in Sass

This dish goes way back — we’re talking Native American brilliance, Spanish side-eyes, and Florida Cracker creativity. It’s old-school, it’s earthy, and yes, eating it kills the tree (so no wild harvesting — we’ve evolved, darling).
Today, you’ll find it strutting its stuff at the LaBelle Swamp Cabbage Festival, throwback diners, and historic reenactments where folks wear bonnets unironically.

Swamp cabbage: because sometimes the best things come from the inside of a palm tree. 🍴🌴💅

🔥 Classic Smoky Swamp Cabbage Stew (a.k.a. Florida in a Pot)

Serves 6 | Prep: 15 minutes | Cook: About the time it takes to question your life choices – 35 minutes

🛒 Ingredients (No eyeballing, darlin’):

• Meats That Mean Business:
  • 8 oz thick-cut bacon, chopped like you’re mad
  • 5.5 oz smoked sausage, sliced with flair
• The Sass Squad Veggies:
  • 1 green bell pepper, chopped
  • 1 yellow onion, diced like you know what you’re doing
  • 2 celery stalks, sliced for crunch
  • 4 garlic cloves, thinly sliced (because you’re fancy)
• Swamp Royalty:
  • 8 cups chopped green cabbage (yes, that much)
  • 1 (14-oz) can hearts of palm, drained and sliced like you care
  • 1 (14.5-oz) can diced tomatoes, drama included
• Flavor Bombs:
  • 1¼ tsp Cajun seasoning (or more, live a little)
  • ½ tsp red pepper flakes (spice level: bold)
  • 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar (for a lil’ twang)
  • ¼ cup water or broth (your call, chef)

🧂 The Method (aka The Sass-uation):

1. Render That Fat – Toss bacon into your Dutch oven and crisp it up (about 5 minutes). Add the sausage and give it a tan (3 minutes).
2. Veggie Throwdown – Add bell pepper, onion, and celery. Stir it like you’re in a cooking montage (4 minutes). Add garlic, Cajun seasoning, and pepper flakes. Let those flavors mingle (2 minutes).
3. The Big Simmer – Dump in the cabbage, hearts of palm, diced tomatoes, and water. Cover and simmer for 10–15 minutes or until the cabbage surrenders and softens.
4. Finish with Flair – Remove from heat. Stir in vinegar. Taste. Smirk. Adjust seasoning if you dare.

🍽️ Serve With:

Hot cornbread (sassy sidekick), fried catfish (main character energy), or a chilled sweet tea for balance.

💁 Bonus Sass Tip:

Use Everglades Seasoning if you want your ancestors to cheer from the porch.

⚠️ Swamp PSA:

Hearts of palm are delish, but harvesting them fresh kills the tree. So be a good human and stick with the canned stuff, mmkay?

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🥄 Florida Swamp Cabbage Slaw (a.k.a. Crunch with a Kick)

Serves 4 | Prep: 20 mins | Chill: Long enough to make it fabulous – 1 hour

🥬 The Sassy Slaw Squad:

• 2 cups shredded hearts of palm (canned is fine, we’re civilized)
• 1 cup shredded green cabbage (crunch is non-negotiable)
• 1 large carrot, cut into matchsticks (because boring carrots are banned)
• ½ cup diced red onion (for drama)
• 2 tbsp fresh chopped cilantro (aka the sparkle)

💅 Dressing That Slaps:

• 1 cup mayonnaise (don’t come at us with the light stuff)
• 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar (pucker up, buttercup)
• 2 tsp honey (sweet but not too sweet)
• 2 tsp lime juice (zing!)
• 2 tbsp Dijon mustard (fancy with a bite)
• ⅛ tsp cayenne pepper (just enough sass)
• Salt & pepper to taste (but don’t be shy)

🌀 Directions (a.k.a. Slaw Magic):

1. Slap It Together – In a big ol’ bowl, toss together hearts of palm, cabbage, carrot, red onion, and cilantro. Admire your work.
2. Whip It Good – In a separate bowl, whisk all that creamy, tangy dressing goodness together. Feel free to taste test—it’s basically spa day for your tongue.
3. Marry the Magic – Pour dressing over slaw, toss like you’re on a cooking show, then let it chill in the fridge for an hour (yes, it’s worth the wait).

🍴 Serve With:

Grilled mahi-mahi, pulled pork sliders, or anything that screams “backyard barbecue but make it gourmet.”

💡 Sass Tip:

No hearts of palm? Swap in jicama or artichoke hearts and keep that crunch alive.

🌿 Bonus Fun Fact:

Raw swamp cabbage = Florida’s crunchy answer to artichokes. It’s like salad got a glow-up from the Everglades.

🌀 Swamp Cabbage Breakdown – With Attitude

Cultural Vibes:
This stew ain’t just dinner—it’s a culinary handshake between Seminole roots and those wild 1800s Florida Crackers who knew how to throw down over a fire pit. The slaw? That’s your modern makeover queen—fresh, raw, and ready to werk.

Sustainability Tea:
Harvesting sabal palm = killing a whole dang tree. Be a hero, not a villain—grab canned hearts of palm from responsibly farmed sources like Costa Rica. Same crunch, less guilt.

Flavor Mood:

Stew: Meaty. Smoky. Earthy. Like a bonfire with a southern drawl.

Slaw: Bright, zesty, and crisp—like your cousin who always shows up late but looks amazing.

“Swamp cabbage tastes like crunchy collard greens with a hint of artichoke. It’s old Florida on a plate.”

—Chef Matt Fulwood (who clearly gets it)

Wanna Forage It Fresh?
Don’t go all outlaw—you can only harvest on private land with permission. Public land? That’s a big nope from Florida law. Stay legal, y’all.

Look, sugar: Those fancy links in this post? If you click ’em and buy something, we get a lil’ commission. No, it won’t cost you extra (we’re sneaky like that, not greedy). Think of it like tipping your swamp tour guide – except here, you’re fueling our Key lime pie addiction and more truth bombs about Florida’s weirdest eats. We only recommend stuff we’d actually use, ’cause life’s too short for bad grits or shady affiliates. Now go forth and simmer responsibly!